四年生になってからも日記はいくつか書きましたが、個人的なことを書きとめていることが多く、公開するのには抵抗がありました。
先日学校の宿題で「お話作り」があったので、その時に書いた作文を記念にこちらに残しておこうと思います。先生が訂正してくださり、また書き直した場合は、その改良版も追加するつもりです♪
［追記］訂正だなんて、そんなご丁寧なこと一切してもらえませんでした。書かせっぱなしです。数稽古も必要とは言え、他の教科も得ているものは少ないと判断し、4年生の終わりに転校しました。
四年生三学期に書いた作文です。
I'm going to Sheep Village. I am so excited. "I can catch sheep and eat them!" I drooled. But I wiped it off. That is because of my wife. Even if I get some sheep, if they were crying, my wife starts to feel that she can't eat anymore. I asked her why, then she answered that she felt too sorry to eat them.
When I arrived at Sheep Village, the first thing I did was wearing a sheep
costume behind a small bush. Then I came out. "Open the gate!"
I yelled to 3 sheep coming by. They thought I was a nice sheep so they
let me inside. When I went in I grinned to myself. I was thinking while
walking. Suddenly, I had a good idea. So I hid behind a near by bush to
think more about that plan.
Plan No.1 When some sheepcomes by, take off the costume and jump out and catch them.
Plan No.2 When they are so absorbed to something, jump out as a wolfand catch them.
Plan No.3 When they are asleep, go into the house where they are sleeping, and catch them.
I didn't know which plan was the best at first. But 5 minutes later I decided to try Plan No.3. When they are active, they might
notice me.
Later that night when every single sheep went to sleep, I creeped in to
one of the sheep's house. I didn't want the door to creek so I went through
the window. When I opened the window, crreeek, oops it creeked. But for
godness sake, the sheep didn't wake up. Slowly and silently I walked toward
the bed. Even if the floor was creeking he was still sound asleep. When
I reached to the nearest point to the bed. I prepared my claws. They were
shining sharp. Those sharp claws are scary for me too. With an excited
feeling I attacked him andput him in a huge bag.
With that method, I caught all sheep living there. After capturing all of them, I carried the bag to the gate.
When I went out the bag was getting heavier for me. Because I was exausted. So I dragged it home. When I reached home, I called my wife. "I'm back! I also have a nice soft sheep for you." My wife came out with shiny bright sparkling eyes. She got ready for a pot full of boiling water.
When I opened the bag thrilled, Oh no it was empty. Not even one sheep was left in the bag. I found a gigantic hole. I made a hole because I dragged it. I shouldn't have dragged it...... I spun around to apologise my wife but she was already boiling no no no no, more than that, steaming mad. When I started to apologise my wife, she raised a frying pan, ready to hit me. I ran toward the door. My wife came after me with full speed and banged me on the head. I flew through the air and banged my full body on the wall.
I failed to catch sheep. AGAIN...
この作文は「あるキャラクターになりきって書く」というものでしたので、プチーは羊狩りにいった狼になったつもりで書きました。設定はフィクションではなく、テレビのアニメです。
プチーはこれを、タイピングも含めて何時間もかけて仕上げました。時間がかかりすぎたこと、文法的な間違いやスペルミス、構成力の無さ、など様々な問題点が浮かび上がり、いい体験になりました。
「最後に必ずオチをつけるように」という指導は低学年の頃からしてきたつもりですし、プチーなりに、このお話はとても面白いお話に仕上がっていると信じています。
書きながら、声を上げて笑っていましたから、よっぽど楽しかったんだと思います♪
これを書いている数時間の間に、プチーの書く文章が変化したように思います。どんどん書き進めるうち、表現が生き生きしてきたように思います。英語力は急には上がりませんが、「泣いた」を「しくしく泣いた」にしたり、「怒った」を「顔を真っ赤にして怒った」にするくらいでしたら、ちょっとした心掛け次第で可能です。
ただ、気持ちがのってくると途端に荒削りになってしまい、わかりにくかったり細かいミスが目立ち始めます。（バイオリンと一緒だなぁ〜）
慎重に丁寧に、なおかつ生き生き文章を書けたらいいなぁ、と思います。
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